Sunse: Survivors

Chad Grable Wichita, KS October 5th, 1991

I made up my mind that I would go today before it gets dark. It took awhile to convince myself but I finally found the courage. I went out to the garage and set up the step ladder in the center of the floor. Above the ladder was the opening to the storage in the rafters. I climbed up to the cubby hole in the ceiling and pushed open the plywood that covered the entrance. Dust bunnies and mouse droppings fell down in my hair and on my shoulders. I did the nervous gross me out dance and shook my head and arms to get the filthy things off of me.

I climbed another rung and stuck my head up into the hole. The attic was dusty and full of cobwebs and it made me want to sneeze constantly. I felt around for the pistol I had hidden up there when we got back from camping last year.

Just about every summer my cousins and I went camping with our dads at Tuttle Creek State Park. It was our job to gather firewood for the evening fires. One day while my cousins and I were getting more firewood, we crossed a field to get to another wooded area. While we walked I noticed something metallic on the ground a few feet up ahead of me. My cousins were jacking around trying to knock each other over. They didn’t notice as I crouched down and picked up the gun. I turned it over in my hands and was surprised at how much it weighed. I could tell by the stamp on the side that it was a Smith & Wesson model 60. It had five chambers and each had a bullet inside. I quickly shoved the gun into my deep shorts pocket and kept walking. My cousins didn’t see me and I never told them what I had found. They were cool enough but I know they would have squealed on me to my dad.

After I got the gun I went back into the house and put on my Chiefs jacket. It was pretty chilly for this time of year. Before I went outside, I peeked out the front windows. I could see no movement. I felt myself starting to lose my nerve so I hurried up and went out on the porch. I quietly closed the screen door behind me and walked to the steps that led down to the front walk. The old boards creaked under my feet and I could hear the wind slapping an open gate back and forth from somewhere up the street. I looked up and down my block and other than some blowing papers the street was deserted.

I started walking down to the grocery store across the street from where I (used to) work. It was creepy being outside after two days of staying in the house. The wind was cold on my face and it was hard to hear anything through the gusts. I felt like I was being watched but I knew it was just me being jittery.

As I neared the shopping center, I noticed there were a lot of cars in the parking lot. People must have been stopping at the store after work. It looked like some weird scene out of a movie but there was no way for me to get up and leave half way through. Some people were sitting in their cars just staring straight ahead. Others were lying on the concrete of the parking lot. Still others looked as if they knew what was happening. Their faces distorted with pain and fear. I tried not to look but they scared the shit out of me. I had to make sure I always knew where they were. I know it sounds crazy but I couldn’t help myself. My neck was starting to hurt from looking behind me so many times.

I walked up to the front doors of the grocery store and could see my reflection in the tinted windows. The wind blew my light brown, messy and matted hair around and my face looked horribly pale. I quickly walked closer to the window to avoid looking at myself and tried to look inside. It was pretty sunny out still so I had to cup my hands around my face to be able to see anything. The tint on the windows made it appear that everything inside was floating in a giant bottle of whiskey. I could see a few lifeless bodies and some shopping carts that had sunk to the bottom but nothing moved.

When I was sure it was safe, I walked over to the electric sliding doors and tried to pry them open with my hands. They were stuck shut. I needed something to wedge them open with. I turned and scanned the parking lot. In the row nearest to me sat a green nineteen eighty eight Taurus. I walked over and reached in to get the keys, trying as hard as possible to hold my breath and look away from the lady who sat in the front seat. Her body was bloated from sitting out in the sun and her skin was an awful shade of cloud gray. The white shirt she wore was splattered with tiny blood stains and a thin line of blood ran from her nose. I could smell urine and rotting flesh and did my best not to breathe. After retrieving the keys, I went around to the trunk and opened it. Inside was the spare tire, some windshield wiper fluid, a blanket, two folding lawn chairs and some motor oil. I lifted up the spare tire and found the tire iron I was looking for.

I went back to the doors and shoved the tire iron in between them and pulled. The doors opened a few inches which was enough to get my hands in between them. I dropped the crow bar and pulled the doors apart with my hands. Once they were open far enough, I reached inside and grabbed a shopping cart while holding the doors open with my free arm and my foot. I wedged the shopping cart in between the doors as a temporary door stop.

The electricity had been out for days and the horrible odor hit me immediately. It smelled like rotten eggs and meat gone bad. It was very dark inside but luckily the grocery store had installed skylights. This allowed just enough light inside to see on even a cloudy day.

I walked past the checkout counters and noticed that many of them were still full of items no one would ever pay for. I walked up to the express lane and grabbed a pack of Mountain Cherry Blast Bubble Yum off the conveyor belt. While I opened the wrapper I noticed a tiny pink sneaker peeking out at me from around the corner of the counter. I leaned around to get a better view and realized the sneaker had a foot in it. My mind said not to look but I couldn’t help it. It’s just like a train wreck. You don’t want to look but something in our foolish human nature doesn’t allow us to leave it alone. We have to look. We NEED to look. Our minds will not let us forget if we ever did just walk away. I am no different. I looked.

I slowly adjusted my view around the corner until an entire leg was visible. The body wore white socks with rainbows on the ankles and new looking blue jeans. The belt was bright and multi-colored with a unicorn on the buckle. Pee Wee Herman stared back at me from the white t-shirt the child wore. “I know you are but what am I?” inquired Pee Wee. I leaned a little farther until I could see the face.

It was a little girl. She couldn’t have been more than five or six years old. Her long blond hair was tied back in two pig tails with yellow hair bands. She was lying next to a woman I assumed was her mother. I choked back a whimper and dropped the gum. She reminded me of my little sister when we were children.

I ran outside and collapsed on the sidewalk that ran along the front of the store. I could not hold it in any more. I bawled like a baby. I missed my family and had somehow repressed it until now. I thought of my sister and mom and dad and how I would never see them ever again. I cried until my throat was sore and my eyes burned from wiping at them. I don’t know how long I sat there for, but I felt relieved and somehow lighter once I was done. Mourning was a very odd process.

When I was done grieving, I went back inside and quickly found the aisle with kitchen supplies making sure I avoided the express checkout aisle. I grabbed a broom and went back to the front doors. After struggling for fifteen minutes trying to get the doors open wide enough I finally managed to wedge the broom up high between the doors. This allowed me to walk in and out of the grocery store without worrying about opening the doors each time. It also allowed fresh air into the muggy and awful smelling gases that inhabited the store.

I found a grocery cart with a squeaky wheel and started rounding up food to take home with me. I grabbed a lot of chips, snacks and soda. I also figured I should probably get some flashlights and batteries for light. The cart filled up pretty fast.

When I couldn’t fit anything else in the cart I pushed it to the front of the store. I was trying to maneuver the cart outside when I heard a noise in the back of the store. It sounded like someone moving around but I couldn’t be sure. I called out but no one answered. I set the cart outside the door and opened a flashlight package and installed the batteries. Then I pulled the gun from my pocket and went back inside. I walked along the cash registers shining my flashlight down each aisle. I thought I could see shadowy movement at the back of the store but I wasn’t sure. It could have been the flashlight and my fear playing tricks on my eyes.

The smell and my fear were making me nauseas. I had to get out of the store. If I was braver maybe I would have tried harder to find the source of the noise. Maybe it was a survivor. Maybe it was a rat. I decided I didn’t care either way. I walked outside and pushed the cart home.